i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
