i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
