her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
