Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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