dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
