are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
