1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
