I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
organizing the empties. That sober.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
