Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Enjoy the penises
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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