I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
