Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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