If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize