hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
