I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
