I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
