I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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