I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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