walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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