ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
