is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
