what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just invented taco cereal.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
