True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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