i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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