Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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