I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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