I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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