Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
