And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
