I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
