Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
