people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
