Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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