I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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