I can tuck mytits in my pants
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize