Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
