I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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