so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this will be a night to untag.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
