Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
