I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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