i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
