omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
