i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize