she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
