so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
