They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
