Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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