ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize