if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
