Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
