Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
