i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Someone signed my nipple.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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