Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
