I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
