just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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