matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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