just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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