ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
