i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
