i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
