I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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