as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
