I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
