i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
