Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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