cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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