When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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