hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
