Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
