big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
