We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
