I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize