Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
