she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
